The Acceptance of Being a…..

I think there is something that we, the human race, need to acknowledge about our behaviour.

Sometimes we act like douchebags and this upsets others. They may retaliate which upsets us and so starts a viscous cycle of pain and upset that results in the breakdown of a relationship.sad

I would like to discuss this further, because simply suggesting to we all stop being douchebags won’t suffice. As humans, change doesn’t seem to agree with us.

So if someone upsets us why don’t we be honest and tell them (without, like, being aggressive towards them)? They may have not have realised, apologise and the process of forgiveness can start. If they meant to hurt you, then why? Why did they want to hurt you? Is it a simple open and shut case? I doubt it! Getting to the route of upset might allow for forgiveness but it is not easy.

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Let’s be clear, in my mind forgiveness is not about glossing over, condoning or forgetting an offense. It is a conscience act of love and mercy to empower and free the forgiver from anger and pain. It is the acknowledgement that forgiver has suffered pain but that they will not let it define them. It is not easy to do and is not (always) given because someone deserves it! But to rebuild a relationship someone always has to say sorry but everyone wants the other party to go first.

So I suggest we take baby steps to judge each other less, show a little grace to one another and love each other more.

References
1. Definition for Forgiveness – http://www.allaboutgod.com/definition-for-forgiveness-faq.htm
2. Forgiveness definition – http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition

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Aspirations

We all have aspirations for ourselves, our partners, our kids, our friends. We want the best for our loved ones. Well, we want what we think is best for our loved ones. But how do we know what actually is best?

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I believe that God loves me and has a plan for my life. Should I choose to deviate from his plan, he will still be there for me to support and give guidance. This is a lot easier to say than put into practice. So does God have aspirations for my life? I’d like to believe that he does. How do I find out what they are?

Well, I don’t really have an answer, to be honest. I can develop my relationship with God though reading the Bible, praying, mediating (ha ha I typed medicate by accident), or simply adopt a trial and error method. When people talk about how God has influenced their lives (and I am guilty of this) they remark “God, told me…” or “God lead us here….”  These phrases are said with such confidence and while they may be true in reality, it often isn’t as straightforward as it sounds.

Maybe I need to listen to God how I listen to my SatNav when it gives me directions – one point at a time. Life is so busy, so messy with obstacles and delays. If I just deal with one thing at a time and have faith that God see’s the whole picture I can achieve much, much more than I ever thought.

what-a-mess

 

 

Don’t Tell Anyone!

I have never received any Ministerial or pastoral training, despite this some members of the congregation are happy to confide in me. This usually starts with the sentence “Please don’t tell anyone this……” I am usually happy to agree to this unless what they tell me will cause harm to themselves or someone else.

In some cases this can lead to my husband having some quite awkward conversations where people assume he knows about their situation because I will have told him. They seem shocked when they realise that I didn’t share their information with my other half. I usually end up apologising saying something like “Sorry, you said not to tell anyone,” and a typical response is “Yeah, but I didn’t mean don’t tell Joel.” I guess I didn’t pick up on the implied “Don’t tell anyone except your husband.”

This has got me thinking when do we mean what we say? Like when we say to someone “I shouldn’t be telling you this but blah, blah, blah,” Are we really saying “I know I shouldn’t be gossiping but I’m going to anyway.” Recently, (well, since having the kids) I have found that I don’t have the ability (or time) to remember what I’m supposed to know and what I’m not supposed to know. So I have decided to adopted a new strategy, if someone starts a sentence by saying this “I shouldn’t be telling you this but…” I’m going to respond with “Then don’t tell me.”   I’m not sure how successful I’ll be but ……

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I’ll let you know how it goes.

What classes as a good day?

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What do we do in order to have a good day?

In order to have a good day I like to achieve little goals I have set myself. I love to keep busy. Sometimes the goals are realistic and sometimes they are not. When I set myself unrealistic goals I find myself being disappointed that I didn’t achieve them. I know this is daft because they are self imposed targets but I love the feeling of achievement. I think I’m addicted to that pat on the back I can give myself when I complete a task.

As I am writing my kids are poorly and have been for the past week so I haven’t had time to keep up with housework. All I can think about are the jobs/housework I should have done/should be doing but instead I have taken this opportunity to sit down to write this post while one child sleeps and the other is content enough watching Star Wars. I have to admit that I am finding it really difficult to focus on writing as I keep looking at the mess the house is in. I have to remind myself that realistically I can’t tidy clean the whole house in 40 minutes (nap time).

I once set myself a goal to read a page from a daily devotional book in an attempt to listen and develop my relationship with God. A little over a year later I praised the Lord for finishing the most uninspiring and unrelatable book I’d ever read. The 8 women who wrote the book had obviously put a lot of effort into it but they were a minimum of 20 years old than me, I just could not relate to the issues they were describing and in some instances I disagreed completely with what had been written. But I got such an amazing sense of achievement from completing it. More importantly I spent time each day reflecting and meditating on God. Something I should probably start again rather than stressing about completing self imposed targets.

 

When Shutting Up is Best

When I first met my husband, Joel, I thought I was close to God but to be honest I ignored him. Over time God made himself known to me, staying with me and teaching me.

I recently had a discussion with some friends about how we met our husbands and it got me thinking about what happened when I met Joel. Looking back (hind-sight is a wonderful thing!) I think although I was not working on my relationship with God it was one of the the most significant times in my life when I actually listened to what God wanted for my life. When my husband and I were in the early stages of our friendship (not even relationship) God gave me a message, well more of a feeling that I would one day be a Minister’s wife. Not only that but it would be Joel I’d marry. I felt that I should not discuss this with Joel (apart from being an odd thing to say), he needed to decide what he wanted to do and who he wanted to marry for himself. You see, when I met Joel he was supposed to go to University to study law but felt called to study Theology and wasn’t sure what to do. In the end he chose Theology.

I didn’t tell Joel about this until after we were married. He was rather frustrated because it would have made his decision making process a lot easier. Well, it would have made it for him but God was right Joel needed to make his own mind up. I am happy that he spent time contemplating whether he wanted to marry me (or not). So I guess sometimes it is helpful to give an opinion or share advise, but there are times when there are great benefits to keeping your mouth shut. For me, it was getting to marry the love of my life.

mouth shut

Everybody Grieves Some Time

Death seems to have a profound and deep impact far beyond anyone’s immediate family Grief can spread like a rippling effect across a community affecting not just those family members who have lost their precious loved one.

I hate death because of what it brings:

That unbearable pain you see in someone as their eyes well up and tears roll down their cheeks.

I hate the not knowing what to say and the knowing that what you do say provides maybe only a little bit of comfort or perhaps no comfort at all.

I hate the physical effects that grieving has upon the body, stinging eyes from the crying, the aching, the hollow empty feeling, or at times being so overwhelmed you sink to the ground because you are physical and mentally exhausted.

Sadness in its many forms.

Being part of a Church family means that a loss of a member is felt throughout the whole community and everybody grieves, but after grieving there is the celebration of life, all together, as a family.

P.S. It took all my will power not to type the lyrics of REMs ‘Everybody Hurts’ but to finish on a lighter note I leave you with Wayne and Garth’s take on it HERE