Its hard living in today’s world, especially when everyone is encouraged to be Judgey McJudgeface’s (see what I did there). Anyways, I end up regularly doubting myself and the decisions I make. My self-worth takes a beating and I just want hide away from the world. Even when joking around with friends, I find myself needing to explain to them that I’m joking (and not trying to be offense) just in case I should cause offense.
Of course this feeling isn’t constant. It’s like a snake slithering silently around in the undergrowth, so when I’m least expecting it….it strikes. With ease and stealth it effectively wounds me. Delivering it’s poison of insecurity and, worst of all, fear. Fear is like venom to me. It seeps into all my relationships, like it flows through veins, searching and destroying, in search of the ultimate victim – the heart. It holds tight trying to consume me, stopping me confiding in friends, making me hold in emotions (because to be honest what do my problems matter?), convincing me I’m not worth anything. Plus, like, I don’t want to bore them. We all have problems…. I should just be able to deal with it.
But you see that’s the problem….the antidote is the exact opposite of what feels natural. Remaining open rather than shutting down, talking to loved ones rather than remaining silent, praying and meditating rather than ignoring and doing jobs. I should fight acid with alkaline and do what feels unnatural rather than shy away.