So often in life we seem to be working towards something, preparing for something, exams, a wedding, stressful things, or exciting things. It’s only when these events are over and there is a lull that we take the time to review, take stock and think what’s next.
Some people revel in these times but I find them quite challenging. I don’t like not knowing what I’m going to do next. I comfortable having a plan. I’m not even that confident or comfortable when I make a plan and it doesn’t happen the way I expecting. I think partly that’s why I found having children one of the most difficult (yet awesomely amazing) challenges I have ever taken on. Children throw all rules and plans out the window at every step of the way. For example, this half term we had planned a lovely 48hrs without the kids to go to London and see a show – Matilda! I know right, so exciting! 12 hours into our child free time we get a phone call for the Grandparents. We’re just at a walk-in clinic…….
Anyway, to cut to the chase, my daughter was diagnosed with shingles. If ever there was a hand on forehead moment this was it. We were left with the question do we go to be with her knowing that we could offer her only cuddles or do we carry on with our plans?
In my mind I had been working up to this parenting break for a while! Telling myself to just keep going, your going to get some time to yourself soon. Time to breath, time to think, time to go to the loo with anyone walking in on you, screaming, or yelling “Mummy, where are my shoes?” (Of course, with perfect grammar, coz that’s how littlen’s speak). So, ARGHhhhh! Is the best word I can think of to describe this situation.
Most of the thoughts running through my mind where things like “Why?!” Or “I can’t believe she’s so poorly.” And of course “It was so carefully planned and timed to perfection.” So you can probably see that most of the frustration and even confusion I felt in making the ‘what to do’ decision came from me! I was my own worst enemy at that point. The worry, the guilt, and of course anxiety over not really knowing what to do. I have thought about trying to develop some sort of skills to adapt to changes, reduce anxiety levels, or go with the flow but to be honest, right now, it doesn’t fit in with my plans……
In case you were wondering, we still went to London. It was amazing, I would totally recommend seeing Matilda but I did suffer major Mummy guilt.